Just fucking get over yourself.
It’s 2012, not 1962, or 1972 even 1982. It is 2012, where Lawrence v. Texas has been the law of the land for 9 years. Not only are we no longer criminals, we actually have near-full civil rights in a few states. No one is going to throw you in jail for being queer, no one is going to hook you up to an ECT machine to “fry away teh gay,” and increasingly, no one is going to urge that you pray away the gay either.
So, why do you hide in terror? Or is it that you don’t want to go through the “hassle” of coming out to friends who will be totally floored that you’re a big old queer? Not likely. Non-queer people who care about us have remarkably good “gay-dar.” Or is that you’re just comfortable and don’t want to risk your economic and/or social status by coming out as something “less than a non-queer white?”
Ah…. That’s it. You don’t want to lose your social and economic status as non-queer white person. To be blunt–poop baby. Most of the world doesn’t’ have non-queer white privilege and you can join the ever-growing club. You have a right to your private life, but you do NOT have a right to lie or deceive people into thinking that you are a non-queer. Given your economic, educational and social status, it’s not likely that you’ll be exiled to toil forever at a manual labor job, living in a down rent-trailer park off of I-80 in central Pennsylvania, picking up empty beer cans for extra cash. So, stop being stuck in an adolescent freak out and join the rest of the adult world.
What is the *worst* that will happen? Your family of origin dumps you, your friends dessert you, and you get fired from your job. Now, if your family of origin runs away, I bet beans to dollars there is more dysfunction going on than just homophobia–though the homophobia is real. If your friends run away, well, you needed better friends anyway. The job? It’s a big country and white folks of privilege have weathered this horrible economy better than anyone else. You’ll survive, you always have, right?
Yes, there will be times where homophobia intrudes upon your life. But that happens now, doesn’t it? What you don’t realize is that it’s easier for homophobes to kick someone who’s cowed than someone who doesn’t take any of their crap–ever.
So, take a deep breath and stop your lies. In homophobic and heterosexist world, you are presumed to be non-queer until you say PUBLICLY that you’re not. Take a lesson from Frank Ocean, who is probably much younger than you, who is not a child of privilege–white or otherwise, and who is currently living more authentically than you could dream about. He has so much more to lose than you do, and yet, he’s honest. You are not.
The bottom line is that the queer kids need us–all of us–flawed as we all are. They are being bullied, beaten and killed by a world that hates them and wants them dead. They desperately need us to tell the truth, to be visible, so they can understand that there are all sorts of queer people from all sorts of backgrounds who have very real lives. That queers can be quite heroic.
White queers of privilege, it’s time to get out of your well decorated closets and use that privilege for someone else besides you. In doing so, you’ll be making you a far more honorable person and you will build a much better world.
*The announcement that the late Sally Ride was not only the first US woman into space, but the first lesbian into space, has me positively unhinged. Think about it. She was more worried about being a public queer than being roasted alive either after launch–see Challenger disaster, or coming down from space–see Columbia disaster. She could only be a public queer when she was safely dead. Now, that’s pitiful and enraging. She could have done a LOT of good, especially in the late 1980s and early 1990s, when professional homophobes and gutless pols were making our queer lives hellish in the US. Instead, there she sat in her privilege and her closet. Feh!